By Lilly Cheng, Joyce Zhao

Joyce Zhao is the founder and Managing Director of Cadence HR Consulting in Singapore.  Registered Management Consultant (RMC) and a designated Work Redesign Consultant and Masterclass Trainer for the Singapore National Employers Federation (SNEF), Joyce has used her visionary insights and precise strategies in human resources to lead her company to achieve the Singapore Quality Class (SQC) award. Joyce has also authored and published her first book – The Courage and Confidence in Corporate Rebirth (《企業涅槃重生的勇氣和底氣》), sharing her experience in HR management and business transformation. A proud mother of three, she now resides in Palo Alto, California,  and serves as an HR consultant for a healthcare organization in Silicon Valley.

Being a career-driven entrepreneur with a demanding work schedule, Joyce failed to notice the  signs of distress coming from one of her children (“V”) for years. Although V had performed well academically in primary school and eventually advanced to what was commonly considered to be an academically prestigious secondary school, he started to strongly dislike  school due to the difficulties he faced in adjusting to the new secondary school environment. Between late-2022 and mid-2023, after multiple evaluations, V was diagnosed with Autism Spectrum Disorder (ASD) and Attention Deficit Hyperactivity Disorder (ADHD).

It was only a year later that she learned of a more precise, non-medical term that better described V, “Twice-Exceptional (2E)”, which describes children who are both intellectually gifted  and who simultaneously face other challenges such as learning disabilities and/or neurodivergent qualities. The combination of these qualities in 2E children creates a unique learning profile, where their exceptional abilities can mask their challenges, and their disabilities can mask their giftedness, making identification and support difficult in a traditional setting. This explained V’s struggles in adapting to his secondary school environment.

Under these circumstances, Joyce knew that she had to  recalibrate the balance between her career and her family. She made the difficult decision of setting aside her career and shifting her family to the center of her focus. The process of learning to let go of her professional growth while simultaneously learning to understand and support V was a tremendous shock for her at the time. On the one hand, she felt immense guilt and blamed herself for not fully understanding or supporting V enough in the past. On the other hand, she needed courage to confront the widespread misunderstandings and misconceptions about 2E  children, especially within traditional Chinese societies. The tension between these “internal" and "external" struggles led her through a difficult emotional journey, from friction and fragmentation to self-rebuilding and awakening.

In 2024, Joyce made the brave decision to move to the United States with V, seeking a new beginning in a different environment. Her goal was not only to find a more supportive space for her child’s learning and development, but also to rebuild their mother-son bond. Here, we share her journey and the resources she discovered in the U.S., hoping to bring light and direction to other parents walking a similar path.

From Helplessness to Finding   Light in the Storm

Could you share with us what you’ve learned about the characteristics of 2E children?

Like many parents of 2E children, I once overlooked V’s emotional and social challenges (including in school) because of his high intelligence. Even though I might think  pessimistically, I tend to act optimistically. Deep down, I felt that something was different about V, yet whenever I asked his teachers about his performance in school (partly in search of a concurring opinion), all I received were affirmations of how well he was doing in school. As a result, I did not act on my suspicions. In hindsight, I failed to realize that as a 2E child, V’s intelligence enabled him to mask and cope with his day-to-day challenges, including in school. 

When V turned thirteen in 2022, I increasingly began to sense that something was wrong. V started refusing to talk to me and even posted a sign on his bedroom door that read, “No Entry.” That door became a symbolic barrier between us. That was when I truly realized the severity of the situation.

In 2023, we finally received a clear diagnosis of Autism Spectrum Disorder (ASD) combined with Attention Deficit Hyperactivity Disorder (ADHD). After arriving in the U.S., I learned of the term “Neurodiversity” which is used to describe individuals whose brains are wired differently, and those with higher intelligence among them are often referred to as 2E .

Behind every neurodivergent child — whether on the autism spectrum, with ADHD, dyslexia, or some other condition — there is often a family struggling to find balance and understanding. For families of 2E children, the challenges are even greater, frequently involving misdiagnoses, missed diagnoses, and more intense emotional turmoil. Because of their higher intelligence, 2E children often learn to mask their differences and challenges, making it even harder to identify the real issues. By the time problems surface, parents are often overwhelmed with guilt and self-blame, yet they remain unprepared to navigate the turbulent emotions that follow.

On the other hand, many parents experience a mix of heartbreak and relief when they finally receive their child’s diagnostic report. The relief comes from realizing that their child’s silence and withdrawal are not acts of rebellion, but rather their unique way of trying to communicate with the world. These children are not lazy, nor do they lack love; their brains simply operate on a different rhythm. Their worlds can be easily torn apart by seemingly minor stimuli — a casual remark, a curious glance, or a beam of light that’s too bright — all of which can trigger sensory overload. Yet, they are heartbroken because these traits are little understood, causing their children to be misunderstood.

How did you make the decision to move to another country and start a new journey with your child?

I think only parents who have truly lived through this can understand how deep the pain is. When I tried to share my feelings with others, the most common responses I received were: “Aren’t you overthinking?” or “Relax, don’t be so anxious,” and even, “Don’t be so dramatic.”

In parenting, tensions and disagreements often lurk beneath the surface. One parent may want to focus on the child’s giftedness, while the other may worry about real-world challenges. Daily life becomes a constant tug-of-war between protecting and letting go: afraid the child will get hurt, yet also afraid that love itself becomes a kind of cage.

Children are often more perceptive than we think. They can sense these contradictions and misinterpret them as, “I’m not good enough,” or “I don’t deserve love.”

In Singapore and in many other Asian societies, discussing developmental differences is a heavy topic. Parents worry too much about “face” and “shame.” They prefer to share only good news, keeping their anxiety and pain to themselves. Even after sleepless nights, they comfort themselves with, “It’s fine, he’s just being naughty.”

But such silence doesn’t help the child, it only isolates them further. There is an unspoken shame surrounding this silence on neurodiversity. In Chinese culture, many see neurological differences as “problems” to be solved, when  neurodiversity is simply a natural variation of the human brain.

A realization struck me –  the real problem is not our children’s differences, but our culture of silence. The answer may lie in a more open and accepting environment. Children do not need perfect parents, they need parents who are willing to understand and walk beside them.

When V complained in Singapore, “I do not want to go to school anymore!” I knew I had to find another path for him, one that is accepting of his uniqueness and one that does not respond to differences with silence. Not long after, I flew with him to Silicon Valley, beginning a journey to respond to silence with action, and to find light in the darkness.

Lighting the Way  Forward...

After arriving in the U.S., what was the biggest revelation for you on this 2E journey?

Shortly after arriving in the U.S., a friend invited me to a parent sharing session in Palo Alto about “Neurodiversity (ND)” and “Twice-Exceptional (2E)” children. That day, I heard many parents’ authentic stories.

One father said his son had photographic memory but, at thirteen, refused to attend school and told his parents, “I don’t belong in this world.” That sentence pierced my heart — I felt the same pain.

After gaining a deeper understanding of the 2E concept, I couldn’t wait to share my new discovery and awareness with V. To my surprise, V calmly replied, “Mom, I mentioned 2E to you three years ago, but you didn’t listen.” At that moment, I was overcome with shame and remorse.

I felt as if I’d been slapped. My face burned with shame. I remembered how many times I thought I was “disciplining” him, when in truth, I had interrupted his attempts to express pain with dismissive words like, “You’re just too sensitive.”

In reality, I had only pushed him further away. At that moment, the words “Twice-Exceptional” felt like a beam of light warming the darkest corner of my heart. I finally understood — the conflict between V and me wasn’t because he wasn’t “good enough,” but because I had never truly seen him.

Tears welled up in my eyes — a mix of guilt and gratitude. Looking back, what truly transformed me wasn’t the journey across the ocean, but that single moment — when I finally saw my child for who he truly was.

After coming to the United States, what changed your biggest misconception about 2E education? 

The turning point didn’t come from a single miracle, but from moments of realization and learning to let go.

When I stopped insisting that “I must handle everything myself,” and instead began to truly listen, seek help, and learn, I started to receive heartwarming gestures of  support from others.

There were professional teachers, understanding friends, fellow parents, and one person I am deeply grateful for — Professor Lilly Cheng.

You are a linguist who promotes neurodiversity education across Chinese communities worldwide.

Meeting you helped me rediscover the true meaning of the word “communication.”

You once told me, “Communication is not about changing someone — it’s about giving love a channel to be heard.”

“We must approach everyone with both gentleness and firmness, affirm the value of every person’s existence, understand the power of diversity, and learn to accept and embrace the opportunities the world gives us.”

Moving Toward Helping Others: Seeing Fellow Travelers’ L  ght Around the World — Fireside Dialogue

Book Release — Early 2026 

"When Brilliance Meets Challenge: A Parent’s Educational Awakening from a 2E Child"

What motivated you to publish this book?

The initial trigger came from the “Wei Dongyi incident.” I was shocked that a person with extraordinary mathematical talent was surrounded by so much prejudice in public discussions. I then wrote the article “Singapore Mom Reveals: Wei Dongyi-style Geniuses Do Not Need Treatment” (《新加坡媽媽揭秘：韋東奕式的天才，不需要被治療》), attempting to interpret this phenomenon through the lens of 2E and neurodiversity.

Unexpectedly, the article attracted nearly 50,000 readers within a few days. It made me realize that so many families were yearning for a language and logic to explain their children’s situations.

Many parents around me were also suffering from anxiety and mood disorders. Through conversations with friends, I gradually realized that countless children growing up in the Chinese-speaking world shared experiences that revealed a harsh reality—the language and understanding for “2E” children are nearly non-existent in the Chinese context.

Parents often groped in the fog, unable to find appropriate words to describe their children’s challenges; society lacked scientifically informed and empathetic voices, and misunderstandings and prejudices accumulated, ultimately overwhelming one family after another.

At that moment, I realized that in order to find a way out for these children, I must step out of my small circle and understand explorations and practices worldwide. I resolved to illuminate the path of understanding for 2E children. I hope to become the voice of 2E in the Chinese-speaking world, so that more families can be heard and seen. I know this will not only help myself but also light the way for others.

I hope that this book and the upcoming cover story can help these fellow travelers gain visibility.

This is not for self-promotion, but to let more people see those quietly building inclusive communities.

It is through their efforts that I firmly believe: when sparks of understanding are lit in different corners, 2E families will no longer be alone.

Why did you name our conversation “Fireside Dialogue”?

It started in July 2025, when I published an exclusive interview in The Singapore Eye titled “Interview with a World-leading Linguist: Understanding, Not Diagnosis, Can Better Serve These Exceptional Children.” (《專訪世界頂級語言科學家：理解，比診斷更能成就這些特殊孩子》). That was the first time I had an in-depth conversation with you.

Initially, I just wanted to educate the public about some basic concepts regarding 2E. However, every conversation with you left me deeply impressed. You are not only a linguist but also a thinker who transcends cultures and disciplines.

You showed me that the struggles of a 2E child are not isolated “family issues,” but are crucial points that connect culture, society, and even the course of civilization.

Since that day, we’ve kept in touch. Every exchange felt like opening a window—the fresh air rushing in, expanding my view. Sometimes it moved me to tears, sometimes it enlightened me, and sometimes it saddened me. Gradually, I had a thought—these conversations shouldn’t belong only to me. So I recorded them, forming the “Fireside Dialogue" with Professor Lilly in this book  – When Brilliance Meets Challenge A Parent’s Educational Awakening from a 2E Child (《當聰明成為挑戰：一位2E家長的教育覺醒》).

Why call it a “Fireside Dialogue”? In modern society, a fireplace is no longer a household necessity, but the “fireside” still symbolizes warmth, sharing, and deep discussion. It represents equality, closeness, and authenticity. In this atmosphere, we set aside our titles, no longer just professor and author, but two hearts connecting. The purpose of this format is to remind us: 2E children need not one-sided “diagnosis,” but genuine “dialogue.”

Love is Awakening.   Love is Practice.

Love is not “as I wish,” but “as you are.”

Empathy and listening are the languages of showing love.

Gratitude allows me to find light in the storm; understanding helps me find direction in communication; 

and love makes it all worthwhile.                                                - BY Joyce 

In your journey of exploring 2E education, what experience has left the deepest impression on you?

I was surprised by how active the United States 2E community is. Parents have access to so many helpful resources and people are very open to sharing their own experiences with one another.

Another remarkable thing was that most parents were very open and willing to share their experiences, which allowed everyone to learn and progress faster.

Among them, a school called FlexSchool deeply impressed me. It was founded by a 2E mother who successfully gathered a team of educators full of trust and respect for children, earning the high recognition of many 2E families.

Classes are arranged entirely according to each student’s actual situation—their mastery of certain subjects, their maturity, and even the interpersonal chemistry among students.

To gain firsthand experience and information, I flew to New York to meet Jacqui Byrne, the founder of FlexSchool.

She shared the emotional journey from the school’s conception to its founding, along with many inspiring stories of children who had regained their confidence and hope.

Coincidentally, I had previously attended a public talk by Linda Wu, a math teacher from the school. It was my first time hearing a professional explain the scientific foundations of 2E education systematically.

Also in New York, I met Mr. Bin Feng (馮斌), one of the few Autism parent advocates in the Chinese community.

He is an autism parent advocate in New York and an active advocate and participant in several non-profit organizations promoting social understanding and acceptance of the autism spectrum community.

His story made me realize that parents’ growth is just as important as their children’s, and that only the combination of understanding and action can truly change society.

I also visited Fusion Academy in Palo Alto and interviewed its principal, Jonathan Mason. I was deeply impressed by their one-on-one educational philosophy. I am still learning about the resources available in public schools, but I was surprised by the professionalism and thoroughness shown in the process of conducting Individualized Education Program (IEP) assessments for 2E (twice-exceptional) students. Of course, I also heard other parents’ criticisms and complaints about how these programs are implemented in practice. Yet, such feedback often drives further improvement. It also reflects the high level of parental involvement and the community’s genuine awareness and commitment—something that truly left a strong impression on me.

In this experience, what are you most grateful for?

If I were to say what I am most grateful for, without a doubt, it comes from the profound influence of my parents on me, especially my mother.

My father, in his memoir Looking Back on My Life (《人生回眸》), wrote about the car accident that changed my destiny—that page I still dare not read in detail. My mother left us forever in that accident, and miraculously, I survived, carrying from that moment the second life she gave me.

Over the years, I have always felt that she never truly left. On those lonely nights, I seemed to feel—my mother, in heaven, sending an invisible angel to gently give me invisible embraces of love. Whenever I was about to collapse, that gentleness would quietly lift me.

Now I finally understand: what my mother left me is not just life, but a love and mission that transcends time and space. What she taught me is a “silent trust”—allowing me to be myself.

It was only when I became a mother and saw V's unique differences that I truly understood the power of this love.

Now, I strive to pass this power to my children: allowing them to exist in their own way and grow at their own pace.

Growing Through Understanding: 

Educational Insights from Visits to Two 2E Schools in the U.S. 

——FlexSchool (NY/NJ) & Fusion Academy (Palo Alto) Field Notes

FlexSchool (NY/NJ)

When Education Shifts from "Fitting the System" to "Understanding the Individual"

From the moment you step onto the campus, there is a special kind of relaxtion in the air—not oppressive, but gentle.

I remember the flower pots at the entrance, planted by the students themselves, with hand-drawn signs that read: "Be kind. Be curious. Be yourself."

The hallways are lined with students' self-portraits—some using vibrant colors, others abstract symbols. Next to them are sentences written by the students themselves, such as: "I am not slow; I think more." "I am not weird; I just notice details others do not." "I have too many thoughts, not enough time to express them." "I am not a problem; I am just different."

At that moment, I realized that this school is not just teaching knowledge—it is teaching children to reconcile with themselves. In traditional education systems, 2E children are often misunderstood for not "fitting the standard curve." FlexSchool takes the opposite approach: reshaping education so that the system understands the child, rather than forcing the child to fit the system.

As the founder Jacqui Byrne says, "Education should not be a process of selection, but  a process that encourages students to discover their own strengths and interests"

Jacqui Byrne was once a teacher at a traditional elite school. She knew how schools often suppress individuality through standardized tests and quantitative evaluations. However, when her own child was diagnosed as "gifted yet emotionally challenged," she first experienced the helplessness parents feel.

She said in an interview: "My biggest shock was realizing that my child didn't lack the desire to learn; he was simply too sensitive, too fast, too deep. His problem wasn't a lack of ability—it was that the world was too noisy."

In search of a suitable environment, she visited over ten schools but could not find one that truly "understood" 2E children. So she decided to create one herself—a school that sees every child's complexity and allows them to be both brilliant and vulnerable. This was the beginning of FlexSchool.

She told me: "I don't want children to adapt to the system; I want the system to understand the children. Here, every child deserves to be in classes based on their ability, not on their age, their own way of learning, their own pace. They are not the problem—they are the answer."

Origin of the school name: Flexibility, for Understanding. 

"Flex" comes from "Flexible"—flexible, adaptable. This is not just a name, but an educational philosophy: education should not require children to fit the system, but rather the system should fit the children.

At FlexSchool, each student has an Individual Learning Profile. Teachers see the child's interests as a gateway to learning.

A student passionate about astronomy might calculate planetary trajectories using math; a student sensitive to words might learn grammar and emotional expression through creative writing.

The school motto reads: "Fly with your strengths, get support for your challenges."

Understanding in the classroom:

FlexSchool's classes are ongoing dialogues. Students are encouraged to ask questions, express disagreements, and share ideas*. Teachers act more as "guides" than "authorities."

*Because critical thinking comes from being able to craft and support an argument.

On the walls: "It's okay to be different, but it's not okay to hide who you are."

Children in this space try, fail, and try again. They learn communication, reflection, and emotional regulation, and through repeated experiences of being understood, they rediscover themselves.

Three "Magic Wands": The Power of Support Systems

During my visit to FlexSchool, I not only communicated with the founder but also spoke spontaneously with teachers and other staff members. I was deeply moved, feeling as if each teacher in front of me held a“magic wand,” always ready to help every child find their own light.

FlexSchool's "magic" comes from three pillars: Executive Function Support—helping students with organization, time management, and goal setting; Social-Emotional Learning (SEL)—helping students understand emotions, build self-esteem, and develop healthy relationships; Personal Projects—encouraging students to explore their interests in depth, maintaining learning enthusiasm, and gain confidence.

A student once said to me: "Here, I can go slower, but I know I will be waited for." This "being waited for" gentleness is the rarest sense of security for 2E children. 

From "withdrawn" to "shining":

A mother told me that her son barely spoke at public school, often crying and calling himself a "bad kid." After three months at FlexSchool, he began raising his hand to speak and wrote a letter to thank his teacher: "Thank you for giving me the chance to be myself." Another student said in a speech: "I used to think I was too strange, now I know—I am just different."

The existence of FlexSchool makes "understanding" the true core of education.

From New York to the World:

Today, FlexSchool has become an important model for 2E education in the U.S. In addition to the New York and New Jersey campuses, they have a Cloud Campus for 100% live virtual courses, accepting 2E students from around the world. Psychologist Linda Silverman said: "The purpose of gifted education is not to create elites, but to liberate potential."

FlexSchool proves through action: when education starts with "understanding," a child's brilliance naturally shines.

FlexSchool represents "understanding within the community": children learn in an inclusive environment, experiencing a sense of belonging where they are truly seen.

Over the last five years and across three campuses, 91% of FlexSchool students receive a 3 (proving college-level understanding) or higher on AP exams. In 2024, the Bronxville campus was named to the AP Platinum Honor Roll by The College Board.  Most graduates attend four-year universities, including NYU, Carnegie Mellon, and the University of Rochester. ✨

Fusion Academy (Palo Alto) 

A One-to-One Educational Revolution

This school belongs to a network of over 80 campuses across the United States, with the first campus established in San Diego. I conducted a special interview with Principal Jonathan Mason. He told me, "Our goal is not to make students the same, but to help them learn in their own way."

One-to-One Learning: Focused Support

The core of Fusion is One-to-One Learning. Each class consists of only one teacher and one student: no auditors, no competition, and no comparison.

Fully customized: the pace of the course can be adjusted according to the student's condition, ensuring understanding comes before progress;

Student agency: students may ask an extra ten minutes of questions when inspired, or take a brief pause if feeling down;

Flexible reconstruction: courses can be taken full-time, part-time, or by individual subjects, with rolling admission throughout the year.

Jonathan Mason said, "We teach not just knowledge, but self-agency." This self-agency allows children to truly take control of their learning.

"Education is not about performance, it's about becoming."

Holistic Development and Community Support

Although primarily one-to-one, Fusion still emphasizes social and emotional growth.

Students can learn, interact, and relax in the Homework Café.

The school provides college planning, psychological counseling, and executive function coaching to ensure students develop academically and mentally in parallel.

Flexible Courses and Rolling Admission

Fusion’s courses can be taken full-time, part-time, or by individual subjects.

Students can enroll at any time, without semester restrictions.

This offers a true“rebuilding opportunity” for children who have experienced setbacks and need a fresh start. ✨